True Blood: Let’s Get Out Of Here Recap

This week’s episode begins with Alcide rushing Sookie home, only to be met by Bill who tries to feed her his blood. She’s been shot... And I can’t help but think, “Nooooo! Not Beel’s blood!!” I suppose, if I had to choose between life and Bill’s blood, I’d choose Bill’s blood. 

*Sing’s theme song*

At the Moon Goddess shop, Tara and a few others question Antonia and her intentions. Frankly, this is a little to late, dontcha think? I mean, let’s just analyze this. Marnie is fucking possessed by a very old spirit that hates Vampires. Bitch. Ain’t. Going. Anywhere. Antonia screams, “My name is Antonia,” and holds her coven of witches hostage. *sighs* Are witches that easy to kidnap? 

Back at Sookie’s home, she begins to wake, healed and worried over Eric. This of course, hurts Alcide’s feelings and our cute, little wolf trotts off pissed. We can see, Bill looks slightly hurt too as the only thing Sookie can think about, is finding Eric. If you had sex with that Viking God-like creature, you’d be out there looking for him too. 

At Luna’s home, Sam and his girlfriend decide that a camping trip is exactly what one should do, after being threatened by an ex. This feels odd and out of place, but Sam is desperate to get his girl and her daughter out of the house, helping them escape their feeling of being trapped by Marcus. We’ll excuse Sam for his randomness.

Over at Debbie’s, there’s nothing like sulking in bed watching “Cheaters”. When Alcide finally comes home, she pretends to be asleep, even when naked boy climbs into bed. Yeah. I know, completely unrealistic. But, as she continues to feel jealously, her eyes light up all cat like, even though she’s a big bad wolf. This let’s us know, it’s fucking on. Debbie is a dick. Heed my warning. 

At Bill’s, Jessica cries and cries over her boy troubles to the point that she has annoyed Nan. When Bill arrives, he informs her of the mess they are actually in and the three, much to my chagrin, bind themselves in the basement with silver. Then the banter begins between Nan and Bill... Blah, blah, blah. Something about a “festival of tolerance”. 

When Hoyt wakes up to that annoying, ass ring tone we see that 1) somebody likes them some Taylor Swift and 2) Hoyt lives in the home of our ghost, who now resides in Lafayette’s body, and has decided to come home. But Hoyt calls Jason, and a frantic Arlene, Terry and Andy rush out to retrieve the infant. On a side note, this whole thing with Andy using V is wearing thin on me. 

BUT flash to a sexy fucking Sookie dream: It’s a Bill and Eric sandwich and I absolutely think this entire scene is hilarious, awesome and hot! Well, played Alan Ball, well played. As Sookie said, “This is my dream. So both of y’all need to shut up and listen to me.” 

At Merlotte’s, our evil little hobbit, Tommy is up to no good and takes it upon his hobbit self to piss off the werewolf ex that is barking up Sam’s leg, looking for him. I assume this means, game on. Tommy is also a dick.

Back at Hoyts, Andy and Jason attempt to get the baby but to no avail. What is a ghost to do? Strapped with a gun, possessed Lafayette begins to fire upon our two cops, forcing them to run back out empty handed. But Terry and Arlene show up and Terry is about to go all “Vietnam” on Lafayette’s ass but is wrestled back to the ground by Andy. This is the beginning of something between the two men, but in the scene, it’s just Andy’s fat ass forcing Terry to lay down flat. Obviously, mean words are exchanged here that will carry on to next week. 

Next we check in on Sam’s cozy little camping trip... And Luna's little girl is mesmerized by wild rabbits. Ok, we’ll let that one be. She’s cute, young and looks like Dora the Explorer. Let’s not make fun of her now, children are off limits here.

Back to Sookie, “I think I’m in love with both of you.” Oh dear god, she wants both of them to be hers. HELL YES! I don’t care if Bill’s doesn’t share. I want Sookie to have both! Then she wakes up and realizes she had a fuckawesome dream. Is it just me, or is this season turning out to be my favorite?

But unfortunately we catch a flash of Debbie purchasing V, which means she’s using again. She needs to go to Celebrity Rehab and meet w/Dr. Drew. First off, she needs to go get help and not actually be in a relationship. Wait, are there rehabs in True Blood for supernatural beings addicted to V? *runs and googles that shit*

At Hoyt’s, we are now in a hostage situation, not to be confused with a Mexican stand-off, when Jesus arrives. He carries with him, those gorgeous blue eyes and a bag full of sympathy for our dearly departed. He is the voice of reason and tries to plea with the ghost to let him help her understand what has happened in her life. I love Jesus. This story line is chopped up between other scenes, so I’ll try to add my thoughts here. I think this story turned out, irrelevant, but interesting. Really just a testament to how powerful Lafayette and Jesus are as a duo. We finally get an understanding of what happened to our young, mother; murdered by her lover, Mavis simply wants to know what has happened to her baby. Come on! That’s panda sad!!

At Sookie’s, Debbie shows up and somehow is able to clear her conscience enough, to convince Sookie that she is there to help her with her troubles. The two are not BFF’s, but they are working on it. Honestly, would you be friends with Debbie? She’s all twitchy and shit. No thanks, she smells of deception if deception had a scent. 

But because Alcide is upset at Sookie, decides to offers his allegiance to Marcus to please Debbie. In return, the pack leader asks Alcide to stick around... Or kick the shit out of Sam whenever he shows up. “Boo” on the wolves and their overpriced, Motorcycle repair shop! I know they’re charging me more then they are their canine friends. Fuck them. I’ll take my business elsewhere. I’m sorry, I digressed. 

Again, we are back at Hoyt’s home and Jason and Hoyt have been digging for hours until they stumble upon bones. Let me tell you, I rarely get moved to tears... But in this moment, I actually did tear up. It’s truly a tragic story, and though I wasn’t impressed by the special effects used to create the illusion of Mavis’s spirit leaving Lafayette’s body; I still loved the entire story. To quote Lafayette, “You got it bitch.” And we have resolution on the burnt baby doll. Let’s hope we never see that hideous doll again. Dolls are evil! People, haven’t you learned by now? Toys that come to life, are like Toy Story. Dolls don’t come to life, they just eat your soul. Like Coraline, and other bewitching stories. They should be banned! 

Back to our wonder twins: Debbie shows up to the Moon Goddess’s shop and persuades Antonia to open the door. She pretends to offer up the support of the local wolf pack, while Sookie tries to save Eric. But, fucking Tara has to ruin it and strangely, also helps Sookie get out of a very bad situation by falsely shooting at her while telling her where Bill is at. Side note, Debbie rats out Sookie to Antonia. Oh, Debbie. We have our eyes on you. 

Unfortunately, the witches have not deviated in their plans and as we find out with Eric’s admissions, intend to use him to kill Bill. 

This time when we are at Hoyt’s, and the two are discussing Jessica. I love the box titled, “For you, Monster.” Honest to god, I can’t stop laughing at this. Hoyt tells Jason that he needs to bring her box of stuff to her, if he were a good friend. Tell him Jason, “I’ll show you good friend!" But poor Jason obliges. 

Up next are a few quick intermingled flashes; Sam and his girlfriend, Luna having relations in their tent, while Tommy/Sam is getting the crap kicked out of him at Marcus’s motorcycle shop. I honestly, do not know why Tommy felt compelled to take a beating, but I can only think that Tommy thinks he’s making amends. 

And for the love of God, Jason and Jessica are now giving in to their compulsions, having sex to Taylor Swift’s song Haunted. Can I please say it? Team Jason/Jessica!

At the Festival of Tolerance, we see the witches' plan come in to action and end with Sookie yelling to Bill to run while Eric races toward him. And the shit will have to hit the fan next week. 

Run, Bill, Run!!

3 Episodes Left!

And here’s you sneak peek of next week’s episode.