My Thoughts on True Blood: Epi 7

{You know the drill, I recap as I watch. It’s randomlicious!}

This week's episode opens with possessed Marnie, aka Antonia luring a human security officer into her cell and using her vampire puppet to glamour the poor woman into divulging the code. All we need to know is Antonia is back, baby. She's back. Btw, who employs humans as security guards in a Vampire complex? Just saying...

Roll opening credits! *Dances to the theme song* 

Up next, we see Pam is pissed and about to kill Tara until the town peeps catch her out in the back parking lot of Merlotte's, snapping away like "Papa... Paparazzi....” This obviously foils her plans and Pam gives Tara a “death” rain check. Pam is not someone you want to have on your bad side.  

Flash to an angry Lafayette and Jesus who confronts his grandfather after he finally comes out of his bedroom. Dude, grandpa was only fucking his wife. Enough said. But wait, the point to the madness is that Lafayette needed to understand that he has the power. He is a medium. 

Still in the woods are Debbie and Alcide, in the process of being initiated into their new wolf pack. After Alcide wanders off and mopes, Debbie tries to cheer him up by agreeing to go into the woods and look for Sookie. But what do they stumble upon? Sookie having sex with Eric. Those two wolves have to be the lamest two wolves ever. Did they not smell pootang in the forest? 

At Bill's compound, he is warned and then shot by Antonia's vampire puppet. Before Bill is able to kill him, he whispers... “Resurrection”. If you were sending vampires to their death, shouldn’t your threat be something like, “You fuckers will pay!”  That seems more poetic, if you ask me. 

Back to Tara. In a heartbreaking moment, and yes, I say heartbreaking because the poor woman can't catch a break; she is forced to push her girlfriend away. It's really the only way to protect her because as Tara notes, everybody she's every been with has been killed. Tara really is a bad girlfriend to have. She just wreaks “murder and maenads”. Stinky Tara. 

At Jason’s pad, he is doing some freaking crazy, P90X hand stand push ups. All I have to say, is that damn boy is freaking HOT!! But, somebody's at the door. Oh, look! It's Hoyt. So who's with me on this? Are we Team Jason/Jessica? or Team Hoyt/Jessica? Think about it...

Speaking of Jessica, Bill is explaining to her the return of Antonia and the danger she poses as her only goal is to spellbound all vampires and lure them out to the daylight. Basically finish what Antonia started in 1610. I'm telling you, this chica has held a mean vendetta for a long time. But Bill has a plan; to have every vampire bind themselves to their sleeping quarters with silver. It is their only hope.

Flash to some hot ass naked sex!! Can we get some more Eric grunts? And Eric and Sookie doing it doggie style was so freaking hot, even my husband looked up from his book. But, not to be distracted from their hot ass sex; Eric has the most beautiful conversations with Sookie in this compromised position. I love how concerned he is with the thought that when his memory returns, will she still want him? Hey! If she doesn't want him, I'll take him!! Amnesia Eric, or Pillaging-Viking vampire Eric. Both work for me. 

Over to Pam, whose getting worked on by that one creepy doctor that worked on Sookie when she was scratched by a manead. She screams "You fucking cunt! I'm going to shove my fist up your ass and use you as a hand warmer!”, as the doctor rips off the top layer of her rotting flesh. Poor thing. 6 shots a day, and we'll see what that does for her. This isn’t botox, people. 

Tommy, the evil hobbit, is in the hospital with Sam. Hold that thought....

Bill visits Sookie and I can't help but laugh at Eric's honest response to Bill's question about their happy reunion. Eric's cute as a pug with farts. But that's not what Bill is there for, and he begins once again to explain the situation with Antonia and what must be done.

Next, we see Tara walking the dark and desolute road from Merlotte's and guess who she meets along the way. Antonia! Better than the Mickey Mouse club, Tara is recruited to join Antonia's coven. For the love of God, Marnie has a thick accent that makes me think she spits when she talks. I keep saying this, but it's true. Say it, don't spray it!

Back at Bill's compound, Jessica and Beeel are getting tied down with silver. It's a dramatic moment because that shit looks like it hurts. Pam is also getting strapped  down but not without her shots. We can see she's not just rotted flesh, but now has a layer of pink/blue skin, if you will, covering her face. At Sookie's, Eric gets his silver on and Sookie lays down next to her Viking to ride out the storm. 

Back to our boys: Jesus is having breakfast with Lafayette and explaining Tio Luca to him in depth. What I love about this moment is the amount of eye make-up Lafayette has on. Those beautiful eye lashes... 

My god, we’re back to fucking Tara again and she is in the process of rounding up a crew for the new coven and gets forehead waitress to join along with others. At this point, they only have enough for a boy band. We'll just have to wait and see. The tension grows!! We then flash back to Jessica and Bill and they're talking about being "sorry and shit"... Add to the panda sadness building... Now Eric and Sookie are talking.... Oh, it's all so scary. 

All right. Now, we're with Sam and he finally realizes something is wrong because his shapeshifting hook-up explains to him that they had sex last night... Hello! Get the hobbit!! 

For some reason we flash over to forehead waitress girl that is on some fucking weird date with Andy. But, he freaks out and I assume he is having V withdrawals and then splits, leaving her to wonder what the fuck just happened. Yeah, me too. Waste of my time!! But in this same scene, Lafayette encounters the female spirit that is haunting Arlene's baby. She begins to sing to the baby in French until he chases her away. Creepy!! 

Now, we are privy to Debbie and Alcide having sex and this is just not quite the same as Eric and Sookie. Debbie sort of grosses me out. But, it's their conversation that we must be intuned too. Her jealousy of Sookie is building and she suspects that Alcide cares more for Sookie, then he is leading her to believe. Alcide assures his little wolf, "forever" and we all just gagged. 

At the necromancer's head shop, it's a party!! If you're not down for doing shots and killing vampires with Antonia, then you can just leave!! And so the curse begins.

Sam wakes Tommy, threatening him to leave. I understand that Tommy didn't mean to shapeshift into Sam, but once he did... the kid ran with it, even having sex with Sam's girlfriend. How fucking dumb do you have to be? What's up with this character? Can Tommy just leave now? I mean, I feel bad but the kid is just not smart. 

Back to our coven, who are in the process of chanting up some good times. Shit goes down and the curse begins with a strong wind blowing, signifying the compelling spell that brings the vampires to the light. And in this moment, Jessica frees herself and slowly drags her body to the front door. But Jason is on his way! Yikes, there is a gun shot in the distance and Jessica opens the door to the light. FUCK!! Her last words, “The sun!!”

And to pay homage to Antonia’s curse... I leave you with some music.