True Blood Season 4 Episode 3: If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?
{These are my thoughts as I watch the episode. It is a very fucked up way of recapping, but very fun. Do not expect to be enlightened, you will gain no insight here.}
{These are my thoughts as I watch the episode. It is a very fucked up way of recapping, but very fun. Do not expect to be enlightened, you will gain no insight here.}
Without further delay, shall we?
This week's episode opens up with where we left off last week. AMNESIA ERIC!! Standing in the dark, out in the woods is scrumptious Eric, shirtless and barefoot oblivious to the curse put on him by the witches. Oh, Sookie. The things that I would do with a pet vampire.
As Sookie zips out of her piece of shit car, Eric instinctively follows her and much to my delight gets punched in the face, with Sookie yelling, "I am not your fucking dinner!" Then he politely asks why she did that. OMG, he just called her "Snookie". I love amnesia Eric. He's so cuddly. Can I please have one for Christmas?
Now, we scan back to the coven and for some reason they are LAAAME. Lafayette is the only sane one in the group with any common sense as we see one of the witches asks if they should call the police. Bitch please. This is Eric... Fucking... Northman. But more importantly, Jesus asks Marnie, or Blarney as I would like to call her, how she was able to push Eric away.
Oh sweet 8 lb baby Jesus... We're back in Hot Shot, or HotShot. Whatever. Jason is still tied down, riddled with panther bites, and some old fart is telling a story around a campfire that they probably lit with gasoline. It is the story of how the panther came to be... Really? Was that first panther retarded? Because damn... Ever since then... His descendants... But I digress.
Flash to a homemade youtube clip of a vampire drinking from a human out near a dumpster. LOVE this!! Who wrote down the website and checked it out? Admit it if you were curious! But even worse, the price that the vampire has to pay for committing such an offense in public; True Death-Handed down by Bill "BadAss" Compton. I think I'm liking the new Bill. We'll see... Wait, I see something. Oh I like that rug!! Bill has good taste in furniture. (Then whiny Jessica strolls in and confesses how she cheated on Hoyt and hates her life. What's new?)
Back to Sookie's house... Dear God, Eric is A-DOR-ABLE!! I must have one!! But, we flash to Pam who receives a call from Sookie explaining his state of being. Pam rushes over to the home and with some ass beating from Eric, begs Sookie to hide him, convinced that Bill is behind this. (And have sex with him. No? Oh, I misunderstood.)
Then we flash back to Hoyt and Jessica finally explains to him what happened at Fangtasia. He's not cool with that but with glamour, he forgives. This is when I conveniently look at my husband. Why can't I glamour him after telling him how much I spent on my brand new purse?! Btw, evil doll! I hate dolls. With all my heart, ever since I was a child. Especially ones that are missing hair, black from being burned, and probably possessed by an evil demon. Yeah, I really hate those dolls!
Oh back to Eric and Sookie. Jesus, how can she resist his politeness. "Um, please Sookie. May I have sex with you?" Well, he didn't say that but I keep waiting for him to.
Now, we are over at Lafayette's, and Jesus and Tara are desperate to convince him not to go to Fangtasia and ask for Eric's forgiveness. Is it just me, or is Lafayette's outdoor patio setting "totally pier-one'd out"? Lovez it!! Then we move on to Andy and his nasty finger-sucking-V moment. I'm over him.
Then much to my surprise, Sookie visits Alcide only to find out that Alcide is now living in Shrevport with Debbie. Girl is got the program.. And Jesus on her side. Well, she's just a fucking role model... That serves Vienna sausages to her guest. I'm still suspicious.
Now over to Tommy and Maxine. First, did anyone notice that Maxine loves dolls? Could she be the culprit behind the "evil doll" over at Hoyts? Btw, why does Tommy have to be the bad guy? I'm so disappointed in Tommy, and to think that he would knowingly take advantage of Maxine while living in her home... That little 5'2" shapeshifting prick!!
Back to Jason and Crystal and damn, Crystal's hair!! Can't focus... On Jason... Crystal's hick curls.... Must look away... And then she broke the spell when she gave Jason Mexican Viagra. That just screams good times ahead!!
Tara shows up at Merlotte's... Boring! No thoughts on this, other than a shot of tequila sounds good. And Tara's skin looks really fucking flawless. But wait, there is a point. Bad Lafayette!! He's off to Fangtasia!
Now, we get to see Portia and Bill having a late night dinner at a restaurant (they have restaurants in Bon Temps?) Wait, Portia only dated three guys in town? Why is she still living in Bon Temps? Fucking move!
Then we see Jessica give Arlene's baby the "evil doll" over at Merlotte's. WHAT. THE. FUCK. That doll is nasty.... Seriously, nasty. And why does Arlene keeping giving her SON, dolls!!! Maxine is behind that doll, I"m sure of it!! And Tommy and his desire to swindle Maxine. Thank God, Sam has the sense to scold Tommy over his dumb ass plans.
Yikes! Portia and Bill having sex!! *Turns down the volume* Holy crap! But we quickly flash to Lafayette being hurled back into the basement by Pam. Until, Jesus and Tara come flying down there and save him. Yes, recruit them to bring the pyscho bitch-witch! I love Pam, "I will personally, eat, fuck and kill all three of you."
And then we're back to Marnie speaking to a spirit, proposing to offer herself for whatever purpose the spirit sees fit. I'm sorta clueless who this spirit could be. We'll just have to see. This is different from the book, but works for me. Marnie is off her rocker...
And Jason wakes to Crystal on top of him having sex. The scary part about that is the entire village of fucktards... I mean, other women are waiting in line. Or watching. I have no idea. But they are creeping like a creeper.
And finally, Eric accidentally drains Claudine, with Sookie yelling once again at him, "You just killed my fairy god-mother!" Then Eric politely, once again responds, "Sorry." Ooops.
How are the scenes from next week? Awesome!! So, at this point I'm just curious about a few things: 1) Will Eric and Sookie have sex and 2) Who is the spirit that Marney seems to be attracting and 3) Why does "evil doll" freak me out.
Till next week!!
Oh sweet 8 lb baby Jesus... We're back in Hot Shot, or HotShot. Whatever. Jason is still tied down, riddled with panther bites, and some old fart is telling a story around a campfire that they probably lit with gasoline. It is the story of how the panther came to be... Really? Was that first panther retarded? Because damn... Ever since then... His descendants... But I digress.
Flash to a homemade youtube clip of a vampire drinking from a human out near a dumpster. LOVE this!! Who wrote down the website and checked it out? Admit it if you were curious! But even worse, the price that the vampire has to pay for committing such an offense in public; True Death-Handed down by Bill "BadAss" Compton. I think I'm liking the new Bill. We'll see... Wait, I see something. Oh I like that rug!! Bill has good taste in furniture. (Then whiny Jessica strolls in and confesses how she cheated on Hoyt and hates her life. What's new?)
Back to Sookie's house... Dear God, Eric is A-DOR-ABLE!! I must have one!! But, we flash to Pam who receives a call from Sookie explaining his state of being. Pam rushes over to the home and with some ass beating from Eric, begs Sookie to hide him, convinced that Bill is behind this. (And have sex with him. No? Oh, I misunderstood.)
Then we flash back to Hoyt and Jessica finally explains to him what happened at Fangtasia. He's not cool with that but with glamour, he forgives. This is when I conveniently look at my husband. Why can't I glamour him after telling him how much I spent on my brand new purse?! Btw, evil doll! I hate dolls. With all my heart, ever since I was a child. Especially ones that are missing hair, black from being burned, and probably possessed by an evil demon. Yeah, I really hate those dolls!
Oh back to Eric and Sookie. Jesus, how can she resist his politeness. "Um, please Sookie. May I have sex with you?" Well, he didn't say that but I keep waiting for him to.
Now, we are over at Lafayette's, and Jesus and Tara are desperate to convince him not to go to Fangtasia and ask for Eric's forgiveness. Is it just me, or is Lafayette's outdoor patio setting "totally pier-one'd out"? Lovez it!! Then we move on to Andy and his nasty finger-sucking-V moment. I'm over him.
Then much to my surprise, Sookie visits Alcide only to find out that Alcide is now living in Shrevport with Debbie. Girl is got the program.. And Jesus on her side. Well, she's just a fucking role model... That serves Vienna sausages to her guest. I'm still suspicious.
Now over to Tommy and Maxine. First, did anyone notice that Maxine loves dolls? Could she be the culprit behind the "evil doll" over at Hoyts? Btw, why does Tommy have to be the bad guy? I'm so disappointed in Tommy, and to think that he would knowingly take advantage of Maxine while living in her home... That little 5'2" shapeshifting prick!!
Back to Jason and Crystal and damn, Crystal's hair!! Can't focus... On Jason... Crystal's hick curls.... Must look away... And then she broke the spell when she gave Jason Mexican Viagra. That just screams good times ahead!!
Tara shows up at Merlotte's... Boring! No thoughts on this, other than a shot of tequila sounds good. And Tara's skin looks really fucking flawless. But wait, there is a point. Bad Lafayette!! He's off to Fangtasia!
Now, we get to see Portia and Bill having a late night dinner at a restaurant (they have restaurants in Bon Temps?) Wait, Portia only dated three guys in town? Why is she still living in Bon Temps? Fucking move!
Then we see Jessica give Arlene's baby the "evil doll" over at Merlotte's. WHAT. THE. FUCK. That doll is nasty.... Seriously, nasty. And why does Arlene keeping giving her SON, dolls!!! Maxine is behind that doll, I"m sure of it!! And Tommy and his desire to swindle Maxine. Thank God, Sam has the sense to scold Tommy over his dumb ass plans.
Yikes! Portia and Bill having sex!! *Turns down the volume* Holy crap! But we quickly flash to Lafayette being hurled back into the basement by Pam. Until, Jesus and Tara come flying down there and save him. Yes, recruit them to bring the pyscho bitch-witch! I love Pam, "I will personally, eat, fuck and kill all three of you."
And then we're back to Marnie speaking to a spirit, proposing to offer herself for whatever purpose the spirit sees fit. I'm sorta clueless who this spirit could be. We'll just have to see. This is different from the book, but works for me. Marnie is off her rocker...
And Jason wakes to Crystal on top of him having sex. The scary part about that is the entire village of fucktards... I mean, other women are waiting in line. Or watching. I have no idea. But they are creeping like a creeper.
And finally, Eric accidentally drains Claudine, with Sookie yelling once again at him, "You just killed my fairy god-mother!" Then Eric politely, once again responds, "Sorry." Ooops.
How are the scenes from next week? Awesome!! So, at this point I'm just curious about a few things: 1) Will Eric and Sookie have sex and 2) Who is the spirit that Marney seems to be attracting and 3) Why does "evil doll" freak me out.
Till next week!!
1 comments:
Your recaps are the first place I go after I finish watching a 'sode. Can't wait to see your take on tonight's!
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