S2 Episode 5-10

I'm on a fucking rampage this week. Totally neglecting my reality shows, I've been staying up very late watching True Blood Season 2. The problem is that one hour reveals so much and then as in any other show. They fuck you in the last two minutes so I'm often yelling at the TV by the time credits roll. My husband is worried about what I will do when Season 2 is over and I have to wait for Season 3. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I've become a True Blood Addict and thank God for New Moon in November. Then there's the New Moon DVD release in February. Then True Blood will start Season 3. So there's hope for some recovery but we'll have to get to that bridge and cross it when we get there.


So after blasting through the last five episodes, these are my observations:

True Blood Dictionary:
Jason Stackhouse; bad ass soldier. Learned skills at the Fellowship of the Sun church. Favorite quote comes from Epi 10: "That was the best offering ever!"



Sookie Stackhouse; has connection now with Eric the fucking hot ass Vampire. Helps Tara overcome her black eye state. Had glowing hand when she touched Maryanne. Most poignant scene comes Epi 9 where Sookie stands by Godric as he chooses death.

Eric; HOT and now connected to Sookie. Best scene. Eric tricking Sookie into removing bullets. Eric lays on his pillow like he's just looking at cracks on the ceiling. Enters Sookie's mind when she is sleeping and has sex with her (hell yes). HOT, HOT, HOT. Did we say Hot?

Bill Compton; his past is revealed with his maker, Lorena. She is in love with Bill but it is revealed that he did not lover her and thus was released in 1935. He is very much in love with Sookie but must now share her (mentally with Eric).




Daphne; pure evil. The others may be under a trance but Daphne has done Maryanne's bidding under her free will. Ultimately she is murdered and has her heart cut out and eaten by Tara and Eggs.

Karl; doesn't appear to have black eyes but has a gimpy eye. Seems to also be doing Maryanne's bidding under free will. (just like the fact that he has a gimpy eye, poor guy)

Tara and Eggs; Tara is saved in Epi 10 from being under Maryanne's spell, however Egg's is still under. Why Tara and Egg's can not remember is still a mystery. They do horrendous things while under the black eye state. Violence and sex.



Bon Temps folks; black eye syndrome. Completely Resident Evil. I'm debating whether they should be killed. Ok, no. Must save them.

BTW, That is Jason on the cover but they forgot to make his hair blonde.

Lafeyette; Favorite human. Helps rescue Tara and binds her to a chair in his home along with her mother. It really is because of his committment and love to Tara that she is later saved by Sookie and Bill. Is asked by Eric to continue selling V.

Jessica and Hoyt; in love. Jessica's hymen grows back after sex (bummer). Hoyt's mom has black eye syndrome and pisses Jessica off. Jessica bites her. Mrs. Hoyt likes to play Dead Space while under Maryanne's spell on the Wii, WTF?

Fellowship of the Sun; pure evil. Fucking retarded. Not Christian.

Godric; my favorite and also Eric's maker. The most interesting Vampire. Over 2000 years old. Chooses death in Epi 9.



Maryanne; has a meat tree, awesome! Is a hand maiden of Dionysus???

In classical mythology, Dionysus or Dionysos (pronounced /ˌdaɪ.ɵˈnaɪsəs/; Greek: Διόνυσος or Διώνυσος) is the god of wine, the inspirer of ritual madness and ecstasy, and a major figure of Greek mythology, and one of the twelve Olympians, among whom Greek mythology treated Dionysus as a late arrival. The geographical origins of his cult were unknown to the classical Greeks, but almost all myths depicted him as having "foreign" origins: typical of the god of the epiphany, "the god that comes". To the Romans he was known as Bacchus and the frenzy he induces, bakkheia. He is the patron deity of agriculture and the theater. He was also known as the Liberator ( Eleutherios), freeing one from one's normal self, by madness, ecstasy, or wine. The divine mission of Dionysus was to mingle the music of the aulos and to bring an end to care and worry. 


These are my 10 questions and thoughts:

1) More naked Eric.
2) I want Godric back! I don't care if he is a spirit, whatever. Write him back in. I want to know his history and why he became so pure as a Vampire. Love you Godric.
3) Why does Lafeyette have to sell V?
4) What is Maryanne? A handmaiden to a greek god? Bullshit! She's a fucking demon and what's coming is a demon. Handmaiden my ass.
5) Why is Andy not influenced by Maryanne? Is he a shapeshifter?
6)Why does Maryanne want to kill Sam?
7)What the fuck is a meat tree?
8) This shit is not over with the Fellowship of you can kiss my ass mother trucker. It's on like Donkey Kong. I'm officially ordering a hit on them. Somebody call mafia.
9) Jason is the man! We need more Jason!!
10) Does Sookie love Bill or Eric and what was the glowing hand?

Why I Can't Date a Shape Shifter

One night I was watching True Blood (what the fuck is new) and there was a scene between two shape shifters getting it on (Hint, Sam and Daphne). This inspired a conversation between me and my hubby.

Me to hubby: "You know. Shape Shifters and Werewolves run a high temperatue. Like 101 or slightly higher."

Hubby: "And den.... " As he likes to quote from that horrible of a reject movie that Ashton Kutcher did.

Me to Hubby: "It's really hot in my home. Like Bikram Yoga hot. It would drive me insane to marry a shape shifter and have him all hot in my bed. I already sweat enough and some how end up tearing off my socks (I have a thing for socks) and shorts in the middle of the night."

Hubby: "So what you're saying is that Edward would be better becaus he is ... dant dant dant (cue dramatic music) dead and ice cold."

Me to Hubby: "Holy shit, you're like Edward. You can read my mind and yup. I was thinking that a nice cold Vampire in my bed would be HEAVENLY. Of course, if I move somewhere cold, then I might consider a shape shifter."

Hubby: "You're just a fucking perv and want a Vampsicle. *rolls eyes as he speaks* (Oh, lord forgive me for teaching my husband that word and BTW, thanks to the gals at Twitarded for teaching moi that word.)

How did he know? Uh, huh. A Vampsicle as opposed to a hot ass dog in my bed is perfect for where I live.
If I wanted a dog or fucking wolf, I'd just tell my two chubs Lily and Rufus to hop in bed. Eww. No.

Upon closer examination daydreaming while working out of this topic I have a few really solid reasons why I can't date let alone marry anyone from the wolfpack. (Any reference to a dog is the same as a wolf because they are both smelly, stinky, hairy and of the same genetic family. Shit, you know what I'm talking about)

1) I hate dog hair that means wolves too. I sweep almost daily and having a husband that tracked even more hair in would just piss me off to no end.

This is from one day of fat dog inside my house.

2) Dog farts are horrendous and I have a strong nose. Have so ever since I had children. One fucking dog fart in bed and I swear to god, I might shank him and that's not cool.

Cat poop may be lethal but Dog farts are like agent orange. Slow burn to the nose and brain.

3) Dog breath might be just as bad as a dog fart. I'm quite sure that Jacob while in wolf transformation has certainly licked his balls or ass and I'm not down with kissing a husband that does that on a daily basis. I am a germophobic and this would be a major issue.

For the love of all things made of cheese, don't do it!

4) An animal in my bead=dirty stinky sheets and I'm already very possesive with my pillow.

You better wash those sheets every day. Dogsheet smell is horrendouse BTW. Only my cat is allowed on the bed and that's because if I don't let her, she'll scratch my eye in the middle of the night because she's hood.

5) Dog dick (as later pointed out by my husband WTF?) I was not aware that most likely a shape shifter or werewolf would not be circumcised. Ok, yuck. I've asked for further explanation from my hubby but I just get grossed out then feel sad for anyone that may still have a beanie on. No dirty dog dick!

hubby confirmed beanie cap was a safe depiction of a uncircumcised weewee. 

6) Doggy style sex is only good for the man, excuse me thank you very much.

Don't even think about it. I will never google doggy style sex to obtain a photo. 

7) Again the body heat off a dog or wolf (side fact cat's run the highest temp. Geez, I thought you'd like to know) is unbearable in this climate. I sweat miserably in my bed and because of my obsession for socks. (I fucking love socks. I don't care if it's high 80's). Thus no additional heat needed.



So..

Inner monologue: Damn you boys are sooo hot. "Stay focus mama, stay focus" 

So Jacob, Sam. Don't waist your time asking me out. First I'm married. Yeah. I know that's breaking your heart. But also, it would never work out between us. We can still be freinds (Sam, not freinds with benefits, shit). I'll see you in November.

S2 Episode 3 & 4 Observations

For anyone new to my blog. Yes, I'm behind on Season 2 AND you will not get any useful information relating to True Blood. Only my shit talking observations. I call it as I see it.

Thrusting my self upon True Blood. I recently took on the daunting task of completing Season 2 (up to the current episode) this week. The other night I drank heavily conquered episodes three and four. I'll make my thoughts cheap and quick.

What did we learn from these two episodes? Well...

Maryanne? Is she a female minotaur?

The story of Theseus and the Minotaur is one of the most interesting in Greek Mythology. Minos was the son of Europa and the king of an empire centered in Crete. Poseidon had given a wonderfully beautiful bull to Minos with the expectation that Minos would sacrifice it to him. Rather than sacrifice the bull to Poseidon, Minos kept it for himself. To punish him Poseidon had made Pasiphae, the wife of Minos, fall madly in love with the bull. Pasiphae let herself become impregnated by the bull and the resulting offspring which she bore was a monster called the Minotaur. This monster was a human being from the waist down, but a bull from the waste up. Unlike ordinary bulls that ate grass, this one ate raw human flesh.

I thought I heard a rumor that she might be eating hearts. Fucking twitter! I hate hearing stuff before I see it.
So that leads me to believe that the soup Karl was making which was dark red, had a heart in it and eventually was fed to all her minions at her party.

Also, noted: Maryanne is a big pot head and only eats fruits (ugh, I guess besides hearts, but I have to confirm that in later episodes) and appears to be able to control emotions. Not just making people horny but anger as well and I did see some gluttony in there too at the party at Sookie's house.

Any relation to this?

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, is a classification of the most objectionable vices which has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (immoral) fallen man's tendency to sin. It consists of "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride"

These 'evil thoughts' can be broken down into three groups:

• lustful appetite (Gluttony, Fornication, and Avarice) Seems to happen at her parties. Food/Sex
  
• irascibility (Anger) Maryanne created anger at Merlotte's one night towards Tara
  
• intellect (Vainglory, Sorrow, Pride, and Discouragement) Hmm, I've yet to see
  

Daphne (also a Greek name) reveals that 1) she has the scars from the Minotaur 2) is a shape shifter and after Sam's heart. So. Was she put there by Maryanne? Why is Maryanne so focused on ruing Bon Temps. Another part of me thinks of her as a demon that comes through town and gives people what they want.

Remember this movie?

 

Leland Gaunt comes to Sheriff Alan Pangborn's pleasant little New England town, and opens a store. What this kindly Satan sells is whatever you need, from a surcease from pain to an object which you have always coveted. The Faustian price is, of course, corruption, and soon the poor sheriff's town is wracked by jealousy, spite, and violence.

Or this book?

 

It is about two 13-year-old boys, Jim Nightshade and William Halloway, who have a harrowing experience with a nightmarish traveling carnival that comes to their Midwestern town one October. The carnival's leader is the mysterious "Mr. Dark" who bears a tattoo for each person who, lured by the offer to live out his secretfantasies, has become bound in service to the carnival.

 

Am I stretching on the whole demon giving you what you want in exchange for your soul? Ok, I just found the correlation to Maryanne helping people in desperation like Eggs Benedict and then not allowing them to leave (probably making them do her bidding) similar to other stories.

Jason. Well, the obvious has happened. Jason is getting brainwashed and has fallen victim to Mrs. Newlin's hand job advances. I could have seen that coming. BUT I'm curious to see her part play out. The fight with her husband and her mentioning that they've gone to far, gives me hope for her? Huhh... Am I on to something? Ok, I'll find out on my own. All of this militia Christian preparation leads up to Dallas.

Fucking Dallas! I love it. So what's up with Dallas? Sookie finds another of her own (telepathic) and um, well scares him off to quit? That doesn't seem right. Is he a traitor? Or is he random? The Fellowship of the Sun is behind the foiled kidnapping of Sookie.

Last, we see Godric. Eric reveals that he is his maker. (I'm well aware that Godric is dead and gone since all you TB fans have voiced your anger loudly at the HBO world!) I'm curious to see if we find out where Godric came from being that he is from the time of Christ. Anyhoo. Eric the Viking! I admit he is growing on me. Like with each episode. I love his smart ass. Literally I love his ass but I think he's so dry that he's funny.

The Cullen's are in Bon Temps

One night, Sam was sleeping and had a really weird dream. He had a dream of sugar plums and magical unicorns that walked freely in the back woods of Merlotte's.

 

Sam.. come with us. Let's play. After all, there are all kinds of other weird fucking creatures in Bon Temps, why not us.. Come Sam.. Come!

The dream was all warm and fuzzy and made Sam feel good. Then the dream took a terrible turn for the worst. The Cullen's appeared. They were in Bon Temps. "Oh, no" Sam whimpered as the thought of the beautiful ones being in his area scared him. He knew that the beautiful ones would be questioned by Eric the Sheriff for what they had done to James and Victoria.

 

 This place blows donkey dick. Nobody walks in formation like we do. Look at the way they dress.

After arriving in Bon Temps and graciously being offered a place to stay by Bill Compton, it was then that Alice made a horrible discovery. She let out the biggest yelp! Everyone turned quickly to see if Alice was ok, but Alice couldn't speak. She couldn't move. All she could do was shake her head vehemently. She tried to cover her mouth but stumbled back in the process. Bill flew immediately to her side. "Alice, speak. What is it that bothers you my dear". It was then while catching her breath that she slowly whispered in his ear.
"Sookie..Sookie..She's wearing.. arghh.. I can't speak of it." Then she started to tear up. Sookie hearing her name came and sat next to Alice, who was still crouched on the floor.
"What is it Alice, please tell me. Is there something on my clothing that I don't see.. What?". Alice by now couldn't take it any longer and finally worked up the courage and stood up. She tightened her little fists and yelled.

"Those fucking black Nikes. Sookie, they are so ugly. How the fuck could you wear them after what Heaven's Gate did to themselves?".

Sookie then smiled. "Alice, these aren't the exact black nikes. They've been revamped, if you will. They're a little different. Bigger sole." Alice upon listening to Sookie, then started to loosen up and sigh. She felt like Sookie was taking fashion tips from trailer trash 101 and actually, she felt this whole town must shop at the local Goodwill. It was odd. Where was the nearest mall? Bill more at ease now with the situation, offered the Cullen's Tru Blood. Carlisle looked anxious. He turned to Bill and said "Shit bitch, I'm on vacation. Hook it up!" Everyone laughed...

That night, Bill and Sookie decided to take the Cullens to Fangtasia. After all it was Eric's birthday . Sookie turned towards the staircase and yelled "Y'all ready? This is gonna be so fun. You'll get to meet Eric and Pam. Oh and be careful. There's these evil racoons and they wait for you to come out back.." Bill quickly shut Sookie up as the Cullen's didn't need to know about the evil racoons.
"Sookie, you know they only fornicate on garbabe cans, not Vamps."
Sookie sighed.."Oh, right. Sorry."

 

 Welcome Cullen's to my party

Once inside, the Cullen's were in a daze. They didn't know what to think of this seemingly sleepy but obviously trampy town called Bon Temps. Edward whispered to Bella "Why is everyone so drunk?" Bella whispered back, "There's so many humans in here, it's not like Vampires have huge.." just then, Edward snapped his neck around and glared at Bella. Realizing what she was about to say. She zipped it and then quickly chugged her drink.

Sometimes Bella you can be such a bitch. My peen is big and you know it.

Just then a figured appeared. It was Eric. He had changed out of his Viking birthday costume into a black tank top, grey slacks and flip flops. The night seemed to be going along fine till Alice ran towards the women's restroom. This time Rosalie followed knowing this would not end peacefully if she didn't calm Alice in time. "Alice, what the fuck is it now?" called Rosalie from outside the stall. "Shut up! I can't help it. These people dress like shit!" Rosalie swung her arms around and threw them up in the air. "Alice, not everyone can be as fashionable as we are. For god's sake, who and what is it now that is bothering you?" Alice came out of the stall. "It's those fucking obnoxious flip flops that Eric is wearing." Rosalie, exhausted left the restroom.

Back at the table, Eric gave a quick glance at Alice. She glared back. Her attitude had changed and she wanted to set this town straight. "Eric. Those flip flops suck ball sweat. Can't you wear something else with that outfit?"
Eric rose. His anger ensued. He flipped the table and threw Alice across the room. Just then the Cullen's shot up and before anyone knew it, blood and bodies were flying everywhere. Eric was tired of everyone saying that his black flip flops sucked and he was about to shove a flip flop up a Vampires ass. He didn't give a fuck. Alice was going to pay for her comment.
"Aww, shit Eric. That's no way to treat out of town folks." Bill said as he flew towards Eric with his fangs extended. Eric quickly turned towards Eric and growled.

Just then Sam woke up with beads of sweat running down his face. "Fuck me. It was just a dream." To be continued..

Season 2 Episode 1 & 2

Um, ok. I thought that was Lafayette's toes hanging out of Andy's car. My bad. However, EWWW. Who would rip Ms. Jeanette's heart out? Her look on her face at her time of death was nasty fear and again. I know you effing Seasoned True Blood peeps know. But I don't!

So Lafayette is still alive. But at the end of episode 2, I'm left with him being mauled on by the Slavic speaking twins and Otho from Beetlejuice. So I am thinking Eric is going to make Kitchen Bitch a Vampire, awesome. He's going to be one fierce mother "shut your mouth".

I used to be a decorator and now I'm a Vampire at Fangtasia

So other things that I noticed. I'm sorry. I can't help it. Maryanne is a freak! She scares the bejesus out of me. So let's focus on her for a minute. Her reference to Pan and his lover (the painting on the back of the gazeebo).

Pan is from Greek Mythology and is famouse for his sexual powers. It should also be noted that he can cause fear, example 'where we get the word Panic from'. So if I get CSI on you it's because there are alot of references that really should be examined. What was up with the dialect in Maryanne's thoughts? Hmmm. Sookie couldn't place the accent.

The Brooklyn museum has blogged on this statue and it closely resembles "The Bird Lady".

Brooklyn Museum:

Who is she? A goddess, a ritual object, a votive offering, a vehicle for working magic or fulfilling wishes, a talisman for protection, a teaching or initiation device, or simply an ancient woman's embodiment of herself? The oldest sculpture in the Brooklyn Museum represents a woman; it was made by people living in Mesopotamia (modern Iraq) or Syria in the late fifth millennium B.C.E. She and other ancient female figurines with exaggerated or highly stylized female forms are small in scale but great in their ineffable power to capture the imagination of those who confront them.

What I don't understand is why she seems to be trying so hard to get Tara and Eggs together? She slaps her servant when he accidently interrupts them. Did he do that on purpose? Who really is Eggs? Why does she eat like a pig and WTF was that whole orgy thing at Merlotte's? One more why? What is up with everyone's eyes turning into drunken black eyes.

What is up with the pig though? Pigs can be scary when attached magically to a vibrating demon woman that likes to make black eyes and fornicate.

My wife MaryAnne isn't that bad, she's just misunderstood.

Then stupid Jason gets suckered into spending a shit load of money and enters the Light of Day Institute. Was it just me or was Mrs. "I'm a hard core Christian but I like eye fucking young boys" Newlin totally staring at Jason alot. Why does his but buddy bug me? Seriously? Come on. They're like in competition for everything and next they should see who's the most retarded. "I call the top bunk". Or even better. "Hello Washingtion" Oh and you know what else killed me. The singer. I'm not going to dare say I hate Christian music but, um. Maybe just a little. You know what else I hate. Weeklong conferences, women with pageant hair, skits relating to God... need I go on.

Last, I want to leave you with one more thought. I liked Eric cutting his extensions off. Muchos Gracias. But!

I do not like his flip flops. Yes, I am not a fan of Eric's flip flops. No, no, no. Bye-bye flip flops. Do not wear flip flops if you don't go 1) outside in the sun as this is most important for flip flop wearers and 2) Don't live, like or think of the beach. Sorry. It just chaps my hide. Eric's flip flops. Can you just go on vacation and come back next season. If you don't leave. How shall I say this. I will report you to the I hate flip flops website! I do like Bill's slippers.....oh and Bill's robe....

http://ihateflipflops.blogspot.com/

How Do You Know If You're A FangBanger?

Have you ever asked yourself this question?

Am I FangBanger?

 

Or is it True Love?

 

Or Are You Madly In Love With One Particular Vampire?

Well, you are not alone out there. Many feel what you feel at this very moment.

Let's start with the obvious. Have you been curious to see what it's like to hang out at Fangtasia? Do you tell yourself, it's just to grab a quick a drink and see what it's like. Hmmm. Eric is having a party this Saturday. Will you attend? Why?

Analyzing our love for the undead, I realized that all this must be new since their outing, courtesy of True Blood. Prior to that, the thought of making love to a Vampire was more on the lines of this.



I'm sorry for all of you hardcore FangBangers, but this Vampire is Fucking Gross. He's not sexy at all. In fact, he spawns yeast infections with his creepyness. 

 Can We Say Dry?

Or think of Nosferatu. He's an older Vampire like Eric. Do you want make footsies with him?

 

HELL NO! Yuzzz FUGLY! Don't touch me or my Hooha!

So that brings the question full circle. Do you love Vampires? Or do you just want to bang one? Have you met one yet? 

Ok, to start. You could visit Fangtasia but that could be risky. There's a safer way to meet Vampires. 

http://www.lovebitten.net It's considered the best human/Vampire dating site out there. 

For those already FangBanging. Are you in love? Are you happy with your Vampire for the moment or do you do have fantasies of your Vampire changing you? Awww. Is the idea of immortality and the ability to remain young for ever what you're actually in love with. If you are content remaining human and spending the few years you have left with your Vampire. I believe that you are truly in love. 

Ok, I'll flash some images and you tell me what you think. I am biased though so forgive me. 

 

 Do you want to FangBang Eric the Fucking Viking? Do you like his stupid flip flops?

 

Does Bill Compton's chivalry and honesty make you sigh "ahhhh"?

 

Or are you in love with a Vampire that will look 17 forever. Hot Damn!! 

Men, you ask what about me? Sorry. You are shit out of Luck. You might as well cut your dick your off and hand it to your female Vampire. You know how ruthless they can be? There's no loyalty (only if you comply). There's no compassion (only if you do exactly as they say). There's no love (only if you remain completely hot and give them sex when they want it, not when you want it). Shit I should be a Vampire! Anyways. I think it's safe to say that if you are human and in love with or sleep with Vampires. Bottom line is that "YOU ARE A FANGBANGER". So be proud of it. Do not let those people from the Light of Day Institute change your minds. They're effing crazy!

BTW, when researching Church True Blood. An Advertisement for the Church of Latter Day Saints pops up. Be Careful as they may be in close connection with Fellowship of The Sun. I'm just saying... That was weird.

NOT FANGBANGERS!

DAYBREAKERS (In theatres Jan. 8 2010)

Daybreakers: In the year 2019, a plague has transformed most every human into vampires. Faced with a dwindling blood supply, the fractured dominant race plots their survival; meanwhile, a researcher works with a covert band of vamps on a way to save humankind. (ooooohhhhh, boogie, boogie, boogie-Sounds spooky)


Ok, is this movie taking our love for Vampires too far? Will you go to see this? Extremists aka "The Real Hard Core Vampire Lovers-TrueBlood/Twilight Haters" think this movie is more on the lines of how Vampires should act. I guess it's safe to say there is no love triangle going on here. What? No Sookie. No Bella. That sucks ferocious monkey butt!!

I have graduated! Season 1 of True Blood Complete.

Let me say for any fan of Twilight. If you have not seen an episode of True Blood. YOU MUST! It will not diminish your love for Twilight. It will only enhance it. Yes, it will enhance it my dear. Le crépuscule est romantique et endurer, Twilight is romantic and enduring. Edward is the ultimate love. True Blood is sexy and dangerous. It is slutty and edgy. It is the "R" version of any vampire saga. It is raw. I completely attest that you can love both and have two completely different experiences. If you want to watch it online, try http://www.cucirca.com/ Season 1/2 is on there and you can catch up quickly. Pick True Blood/and view the Japanese looking one. It usually needs to loade first then you can view to your hearts content. Usually it will only allow a few episodes per day so be patient (thanks to sis for the tip). With that being said.. Hell Yeah! I finished Season 1!!!! 

True Blood Virgin

Let's recap Episode 11 and 12 cause that shit was insane.


First. Never trust a man with a Cajun accent. Can you interpret this video? I didn't think so. So how you supposed to trust him if you can't understand a word he's saying... Thus Renee had to be the serial killer, right? Ok, I knew the focus on construction boots meant that the guy worked in the field and coming after Amy only meant one thing. It was either Renee or Sweet Jesus Boy. Personally I thought it was Sweet Jesus Boy but I also knew that was exactly what they wanted you to think too. Damn, little red raisins, Renee was fucking crazy.

Side note: What is up with Terry? Don't tell me! I know he's a werewolf or something other than a human. He's spewing too many hints about the after life and shit.

Ok, going back to the focus. The Serial Killer aka Crazy Canjun. Wow, did you see Amy getting killed? Um, I wanted hippie girl to disappear but not like that. Under the influence of "V". Shit, that was soo ruthless, I didn't even have words. I knew Jason would be all fucked up from that shit. Amy was a bad influence and in the end, it got her self killed. What's the moral of that story?

Don't Do V

I have to admit that their Vcapades, were quite hilarious. A comic break if you will. Moving on.. When one is removed, we are introduced with several more crazy characters. Bill turning Christian Jessica into a foul mouth Vampire chic. She's so annoying that even Eric doesn't want her at his bar. I have a weird feeling that she's the one that killed Lafayette (who you see is dead at the very end of Episode 12). Am I right? Season 2 peeps. Don't tell me. I'll get there. If you forgot how annoying she is, oh let me so remind you.



You bug the shit out of me Jessica! You really do!

Oh snap. Then there's pig woman. Ok, at first I thought that she was a Vampire, then she comes out during the day, so Vampire no, Vibrating Pig Woman, yes. Is she a shape shifter? Why did her tongueless butler bitch steal Tara's phone? How does Sam know her? If Tara was in real danger, would Sam have let Tara get in to the car with Vibrating Pig Woman? Why is Sam rich and why is he bagging up money at the end? Fuck. I just got used to Sam being a dog (a cute one by the way) and Bill practically disintegrating before my eyes trying to save Sookie and now there is a mysterious, rich, Vibrating Pig Woman. I'm telling you Bon Temps is one fucked up place. If I wanted a vibrating pig, I'd get these massaging pig slippers for my feet.

Oh, pig slippers. How I yearn for you on my footsies.

So in the end let's recap Season 1 for mwah. Serial Killer dead by shovel through the neck, Check. Bill is back (yeah!) and brought his stupid Jessica with him, Check. Amy is out of Jason's life aka dead, Check. Lafayette is dead (or laying pretty suspiciously in the back seat of Detective Andy's car), Check. Jason is now hard core Christian (going to the Sun Worshipers or some shit like that Church), Check. Tara is doing well but living with a mysterious, magical unicorn rich Vibrating Pig Woman, Check. Season 1 complete. Priceless! Onward, vampire loving soldiers. Onward. For those Vampire haters, remember. They used to be human too.

Accept The Truth

Twilight Vs. True Blood

Twilight and True Blood do have some similiarities and some differences. I thought I'd point out the obvious for shits and gigles.



Remember who sparkles!! I must say I love sparkly vampires. Who doesn't?



But than there is this:



Holy Canole! Let me get some simple facts out there and then you can give a shit or not.



That Sookie bitch is hot! Why isn't there any good sex scenes in my book?



Dead Until Dark's publication date is 5/2001. Um, what the fuck is up with that gay ass cover? Thank god, HBO took over marketing.



Twilight's publication date is 10/2005. That is quite a bit after Dead Until Dark so it is safe to say that True Blood did not copy Twilight. Now! Did Stephanie ever read any of the Sookie Stackhouse books, dunno. I think she must of and she's full of shit if she says she didn't because she did not invent the imprinting, shapeshifting, werewolves scenario crap. But, I like her spin on the whole Vampire in love thing and her book cover is Awesome!! Classic!! Inspirational!! (WHAT, Now I've gone too far).

What I love about True Blood.

1) Not the books. I'm still working on Dead Until Dark because I hate the style of writing. So far, Charlene sucks!
2) I do however love True Blood the show. Obessed is more like it. I like the character development and I like Sookie on True Blood better than the Sookie in the books.
3) The Vampires are not HOT, they only appear HOT because you've seen them fucking naked (literally). So of course they grow on your horny "I want some vampire porn" ass. Vikings and Civil War people are not my first thought for HOTNESS but I"m trying.
4) The intro scares me and thrills me. That is some fucked up shit and it makes the South look scary. Like you might "wake up one morning missing a kidney but there's a note telling you to go to the hospital and then you discover a big stitch across your lower back side" scary.
5) I have the urge to drink Tru Blood.
6) I want to work at Merlotte's. Sam is zzzexxxxy. Not HOT, just zzzzeeexxxy, as in "take him to his office and bang him zexxxxy".

What I love about Twilight.

1) Edward
2) Edward
3) Edward
4) Edward
5) Edward


I love you bitch! Marry Me! (that's me talking to Rob)

I don't give a shit about Bella, I halfway cared about Jacbo by the time I got to BD. I hated Renesmee and her fucking fingers of wisdom. She's like the kid in the video game Bioshock. CREEPY.



Well, wait. I love Alice. I want her as a sister. She's like the cool, "I've got your shit chick and I can put together a mean outfit" friend. I also dug Leah. Having to be a wolf and apart of a pack (Of hot wolves. Shit Leah. If you can't have Sam, there's some fucking hot ass Quileutes some where in that town) proved difficult for her and I found myself just feeling for her. I went through times where I hated both Sam and Jacob for being such dicks to Leah.

I'll admit, I couldn't put down Twilight, I sprinted through New Moon because of lack of Edward, Anticipated sex in Eclispe and was somewhat let down in BD. Overall, the books clearly had my heart and the movie only gave me a visual for Edward. You know what else it gave me! Twiporn in the form of Fanfiction. Hallelujah!!

Episode 8,9 & 10.. Almost done with Season 1

Wow. So much to discuss. My eyes have opened! First off, let's start by saying. I knew that Sam was a dog. The images of the dog always around Sookie just made me realize this had to be more than coincidence. Werewolves, imprinting? Sounds awfully familiar. We'll talk about that later.

So Sam, Dogs in a bar?


I'll have a shot of Russia's Best please!

Seriously, we didn't know that this was a problem but apparently dogs and alcohol go way back. Shit they've been owning bars for centuries.


Fuck that shit.. Taco Tuesdays always lead to havoc.


Ruphies and shots don't mix


I swear I'll never drink again.. Heard that one before girlfriend


This is bullshit. Who's cleaning up?

Man, I had no clue that those loser dogs had the addictive gene in them. Sam does a pretty good job of only serving alcohol and not drinking it, so kudos to him. So Sam and Tara, I liked them together at first but then I realized as I got to the end of episode 10 that Sam is too good for anyone. Sookie loves Bill and that's cool but she's such a shitty friend to Sam considering she KNOWS he has strong feelings for her and they did share a kiss. Tara is really to bat shit to be with anyone. I know her mother put her through hell and she has the right to be bent but I don't think she can handle a relationship right now. I'm hoping things will pan out for her later on and I could have told you that the Voodoo lady was full of shit. I saw that coming but was really hoping that Tara's mother had actually been saved. I will be so pissed if her mother turns back in to an alcoholic. Really, I will!

Bill killing Longhorn (Uh, the Indian Vampire, I think that's his name). How gross was that? Ewwwwww! So I see the Glamorize in action. I understand it a little better and Heeellllo Eric. I'm seeing a little more of him and he's growing on me. Especially at the council where it seemed that he genuinely wanted Bill to be saved and I like Vampires with a slight heart. Initially when I knew he was a past Viking, this is what I thought of Eric!


What's up dude! I'm a fucking Viking!


Wanna smoke some pot and then head on over to the Renaissance Fair?

I mean if you look up sexy Vikings, you ain't get jack shit on google. Cause guess what? They don't exists. Just like sexy Mongols. Not out there!
Ok, going back to Eric. I see what all the fuss is about and I'll admit, he's somewhat HOT to me right now.

Eric gets three flames out five!



Why? Well, show mama some more and maybe you'll get those last two flames..


Last major topic. Effin Stupid Jason and his Effin Stupid Girlfriend from Hippie Hell! Bitch killed a Vampire. She is psycho! I hate her and her patchouli smelling feet! EVIL!

Season 1 Episode 7

I won't spare you the details but I've been slowly catching up on Season 1. New to True Blood, I just finished episode 7. These are my thoughts as I spare you the details since most of all the planet is on Season 2. What am I missing? What's wrong with Sam? Don't tell me. I know he's a dog, I can feel it. I'm getting the next dvd today and will be able to catch up on Episode 8 and 9. Whoohoo! But why was he rolling around in the dead girls bed and speaking of, I noticed with the book that there was the neighbor character that was pretty in to the story right about here but in the show, he's not? Hmm. Why is Jason such a hoar? Why am I in love with the title sequence? So many unanswered questions. This weird fascination with True Blood is beginning to grow. I also am getting very excited for New Moon too!

LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEE THE TITLE SEQUENCE. Could this have something to do with my glee when I hear the song?



Just seeing this is making me freak out. Or could my obsession be with the hilarious Jason, I swear I crack up at his stupid ass.



So what's up with the subliminal sex in the Vampire movies. Even New Moon has upped it's man candy by making the wolf pack HOT! I mean really Hot!



So I guess I'm wondering are most people this?



Or this? I love you Rob! Can you hear me you damn sexy beast of a man! Yeah, I'll admit Rob is the best looking Vampire out there and ever.



But when did my fascination with Vampires start? For me, I will pay homage to the queen, Anne Rice. She was my first dot if you will, and from there I connected to other dots. It was her world and her interpretation that made me fall in love with the undead (Relax, I don't want to be a Vampire). Her Vampires were not sexy but seemed to have a religious undertone. Could they see Angels? Could they speak to them? If you haven't read an Anne Rice book, I suggest you do because word on the street is that Lestat will be made into a movie. This is the second book to Interview with a Vampire! I wonder who will play Lestat? Tom Cruise, though not blond (I hate wigs) and not french (I hate no accent or bad accents) did a pretty good job. Do you know that I saw Interview With a Vampire the first night it came out at Midnight! Here I am years later loving that New Moon will be coming out in November and plan on seeing that the first night it comes out as well. Thank you Anne!